Led Zeppelin Album Reviews - Cilantro Milkshake

“Led Zeppelin didn’t write tunes that everyone liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.”
-Wayne Campbell, played by Mike Myers, in Wayne’s World

Led Zeppelin lived the rock ’n’ roll ideal. They confidently made the music they wanted to and became mega popular, radio-friendly, arena-packing monsters anyway.

This band is simultaneously credited with defining hard rock and accused of ripping off the blues artists that came before them. The latter claim is, of course, simplistic nonsense. They were unique right out of the gate, and they kept evolving to the point where I won’t even know how to describe their later stuff. And don’t forget, they have enough acoustic, folky stuff sprinkled through their library that you could put it all together and make the best folk-rock album ever. And guess what else? The blues have sounded the same for like 100 fucking years! The only reason Led Zeppelin catches any grief is because they got so popular. Everything is influenced by something, and speaking of which, it seems that every hard rock musician in the world cites Led Zeppelin as a major influence. So suck that, haters.

“Stairway to Heaven” may be their most famous song, but they have 10 or 20 songs that are arguably more well-known, because you keep hearing them in movies, commercials, restaurants, and bars. For a band that never seemed to settle and kept adding elements to their sound, their popularity is impressive. They’re both timeless and distinctly of a certain time. An old man somewhere is listening to them thinking, “Fuck, the 70s were awesome,” and also some kid born in the 2000s is discovering them and becoming an instant fan.

Their library is pretty easy to digest. They released 10 albums over 11 years, including a double album, a live double album, and a collection of leftover recordings that came after their phenomenal drummer John Bonham died. Each album has its own vibe and it’s easy to categorize them like, “This one’s got chunky production,” “This one’s got a bunch of acoustic songs,” and “This is where they were on too many drugs but it’s good anyway.” And yet, as I listened to them back for these reviews, I was reminded of how wide-ranging each album is. Their bluesiest album still has some serene acoustic guitar, and their lightest album still has some ass-kicking heaviness. A few live albums came out long after their run, including one from 2007 with Jason Bonham filling in for his dad.

The more famous names are of course Jimmy Page, who had brilliant licks and chunky riffs and wailing solos up the wazoo and some innovative recording techniques, and enigmatic singer Robert Plant, who delivered with gusto his own brand of melodramatic, squealing, at times feminine vocals, which have been imitated endlessly but seemed to have been unique in their time. John Paul Jones holds up his end of the bargain on bass and also lends tons of keyboards, organ, maybe some mandolin or whatever the hell other instruments that add to the band’s sonic diversity.

If someone doesn’t like this band, I’d assume it’s that the vocal style is just too much for them (I’m actually not always in the mood for it either). Or maybe it’s the production quality that’s distinctly 70s (and frankly, inconsistent). Or maybe too much wanking guitar (I can at least see it). Who knows.

Led Zeppelin

aka “I”
1969
10 baby baby baby baby babies out of 10

This one sounds the most like you’re sitting in a room with the band. The production is raw, with blaring strings and slamming beats that have room to breathe, and you’ll swear you’re hearing a big woosh of air every time Bonham stomps his bass drum. The whole thing punches you in the face, even on the slower songs.

“You Shook Me” has a definite blues foundation, but then you get dancing organ and wailing harmonica and goddamn, it’s three songs into this band’s career and they’ve already pushed blues farther than it ever went before. “Dazed and Confused,” “I Can’t Quit You Baby,” and “How Many More Times” are the other bluesy songs on this so-called blues rock album. “Good Times Bad Times” jams with sprinkles on top, “Your Time Is Gonna Come” is lush and easygoing with a gorgeous organ lick anchoring it, and “Communication Breakdown” has a speedy hard edge with sharp stops and starts. “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You” has haunting acoustic guitar and cleverly woven vocals before going into rocky wildness, and “Black Mountain Side” is a quick slidey acoustic ditty.

The album’s overall tone isn’t bright and uplifting, nor is it very dark. It’s right in the middle. Well, I guess the vocals are somewhat dark, lots of “that girl she done me wrong” stuff. Its weakest points are the drawn-out jammy sections of “Dazed and Confused” and “How Many More Times,” but at least they prove that the band was unapologetically artistic.

It’s a kickass record, good to great songs throughout. On some days it’s my favorite Led Zep album for its utter rawness. That guitar on “You Shook Me” just melts in my ears! But you could see there was room to grow to meet the musical variety Zeppelin displayed later on.

II

1970
8 backdoor men out of 10

It’s the “chunky” Led Zeppelin album, with a newfound synched up heaviness, guitar sound pulled down to the mid-register, and some distorted bass. Kids these days probably can’t fathom just how HEAVY this album must have sounded in 1970.

“Whole Lotta Love,” “Heartbreaker,” and “Living Loving Maid (She’s Just a Woman)” are rock-solid, iconic songs that’ll get played on the radio until the end of time. “Ramble On” and “Thank You” have really sweet, unique melodies, and “What Is and What Should Never Be” moves slow between dreamy openness and tight rockiness. Oh, and “Lemon Song” is cool too. The album falls apart a bit at the end with “Moby Dick,” which is like 20% song and 80% drum solo, and “Bring It On Home,” which, despite its title, kinda goes nowhere.

It’s a classic album with classic songs, but never was my favorite. The chunky production seems to crush the band’s flavor down, which gets tiresome by the end of the thing.

III

1970
9 hammers of the gods out of 10

It’s the “acoustic” Led Zeppelin album… wait, hold on, that’s just my memory lying to me. It’s actually got a couple of the band’s most kickass rockers in their whole library, “Immigrant Song” and “Celebration Day.” It’s more accurate to say that this is the “fun, uplifting, happy” Led Zeppelin album. Apparently immediate fame cheered these boys up.

But there is a bunch of acoustic guitar here, and goddamn is it pretty. “Tangerine” and “That’s the Way” are particularly precious and catchy. “Friends” is like putting Jimmy Page in a blender with Pink Floyd, jumpy and dreary and poppy all at the same time. All these songs have a sense of open space and less-than-pounding rhythms, allowing Plant’s voice to go all over the place, both sonically and emotionally.

This isn’t the album that you hand to somebody and say, “This is Led Zeppelin, son,” nor is it brilliantly structured. In fact, it’s like a collection of songs slapped together. The sum isn’t greater than the parts, but most of the parts are great.

Oh, forgot to mention, this album also has “Since I’ve Been Loving You,” a slow moving, powerful bluesy ballad with heartbreaking vocals and some of Page’s best finesse. Fuck, I love that song.

Led Zeppelin

aka “IV” aka “Zoso”
1971
10 big-legged women out of 10

If someone has never heard Led Zeppelin, well, first, pull them out of the rubble they’ve been living in and give them some water, and then hand them this album. It’s the most iconic, cohesive album in the library, with a wide range of well-produced sounds.

“Stairway to Heaven” is so famous it’s become a joke, but it’s famous for a reason. It’s fucking great! The slow-building, sensual guitar and vocals through its first four minutes is gorgeous, and it seamlessly turns into colorful rock ’n’ roll with a beautiful extended guitar solo, and why don’t you fast-forward to 6:41 and tell me that’s not the most perfect drum fill you’ve ever heard.

“Black Dog” is sexy and groovy and musically impressive, “Rock and Roll” is just what the title says it is, pumping with momentum, and “The Battle of Evermore” is somehow weird as hell, with mandolin (I think?) and wizardly vocals, but also oddly catchy.

“Misty Mountain Hop” is yet another totally unique song, shifting rhythms and featuring juicy keyboard work. “Four Sticks” also shifts rhythms a bunch, charging forward before taking an unexpected turn into bright acoustic-driven stuff. Jesus, it’s the least well-known song on the album and it’s amazing! “Going to California” slows it all down with more acoustic guitar and more mandolin and subdued vocals AND screechy vocals taking turns. And the album finishes with one of the most unique songs EVER, “When the Levee Breaks,” with badass downbeat drumming, guitar licks that seem to span the whole universe, and a heavily treated harmonica blaring over the whole thing. The production work is something else, making the song feel gigantic and out of this world.

Also worth noting, the lyrics seemed to get more artsy on this album, less of the typical blues themes. At least I think so, but who knows, maybe “With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes” could just be a metaphor for having sex in a basement.

This album somehow goes all over the place and pulls it all together. It captures Zeppelin’s creativity and musicianship in 43 minutes. And unlike all the other albums, it seems meticulously, perfectly produced. It’s a focused effort, as if the band was aware the material deserved pinpoint execution. If you ask me, Zeppelin could have retired after this and still be considered one of the greatest bands of all time.

Houses of the Holy

1973
8 seasons of emotion out of 10

Having dominated rock ’n’ roll in just three years, there was nothing left for Led Zeppelin to do but toy with their audience, and the result is Houses of the Holy… at least that’s what it seems like to me. Some people actually call this their best record. To me, it departs from their winning ways simply for how damn high-pitched it is.

It does have two AMAZING songs, “The Rain Song” featuring delicate acoustic guitar and an orchestra (yes!), and the dark, moody, ahead-of-its-time “No Quarter,” anchored by John Paul Jones’ soothing but weighty keyboard work. In both cases, though, I prefer the longer, thicker-sounding live versions that are on The Song Remains the Same. (But truly, with “The Rain Song” it’s a slim margin. The version here is beautiful.)

“The Song Remains the Same,” is the name of the first track on this album (fuckin’ Zeppelin and their confusing titles), speedy and jumping and high-pitched. “Over the Hills and Far Away” is distinctly Zeppelin-ish but also high-pitched. “The Crunge” is where it starts to go off the rails, literally noted for being a James Brown ripoff, but without, you know, a catchy hook, and goddamn it’s high-pitched AS HELL. “Dancing Days” takes it farther from Zep’s old “blues rock” and who knows what to call it, but it’s got guitars on top of guitars on top of guitars and yeah, it’s “break your speakers” high-pitched. “D’yer Mak’er” mixes reggae with 50s doo-op (it’s like I’m making this shit up, but it really does!), and the album ends on “The Ocean,” which at least feels like Zeppelin but so high-pitched that the Beastie Boys sampled it.

The pitches are high, but the floor for Zeppelin only goes so low, and how low can I go when you’ve got “The Rain Song” and “No Quarter” on the same album? And the other songs have their merits (well, except “D’yer Mak’er,” which sucks), just in a strangely high-pitched way. If we’re considering how the album flows front to back, then that downgrades this further, because it’s a bit of a mess.

Physical Graffiti

1975
8 wings of maybe out of 10

Oh yeah! One vinyl record wasn’t enough for all the ass Led Zeppelin would kick this time! That’s right! It’s a double album! Bigger! Badder! Longer! With more songs! Too many actually! And flat-sounding production! It’s a mess!

…Wait, what? Could I really criticize an album so beloved as the great Physical Graffiti?

Well, only somewhat. It’s got some great songs. The keyboard-driven “Kashmir” is a bonafide classic. Groovy downbeat, unearthly vocals, and it sounds like aliens came from another galaxy and tried to make a Zeppelin song.

“In the Light” is dreamy and avant-garde, “In My Time of Dying” is interesting but doesn’t need to be 11 minutes, “Ten Years Gone” rides an unusual rhythm and weeps and sobs in a good way, and the more straightforward rock in “The Rover,” “Custard Pie” and “The Wanton Song” indeed rocks hard.

Hey, look at that, I just named seven songs that could have filled an LP by themselves. But there are 15 songs and 82 minutes here, and it’s not the smoothest listening experience. The backstory is that they had recorded too much material for a normal LP, so they tossed in random stuff that didn’t make the cut from earlier albums.

Despite that, its sound quality is consistent … which isn’t actually a good thing. Am I the only one who can’t hear the bass? I tried headphones and it revealed just a secondary guitar track that’s hard to hear otherwise. The drums are LOUD, we’re back to hearing those wooshes of air that you remember from the first Led Zep album, and Bonham is especially unhinged this time around, more rolls and fills than maybe the songs needed. It’s fair to say that this is one reason people love this album, but it comes off flat to my ears, making the length even more of a problem.

Oh yeah, one more complaint: lots of fadeouts on this album, like, almost every song fades out. Come on!

An 8 out of 10 is still a good score, and this is still a good album. But you might want to do what I did: decide which songs you like, make a playlist with just those, and pretend that it’s the actual album.

Presence

1976
7 shackles of commitments out of 10

I read that this was supposed to be a return to the band’s earlier hard rocking ways, but it’s hard to tell from the delightfully clean production, which I love. The songs, though, are quite inconsistent. Two songs are awesome, and I could do without the rest.

“Achilles Last Stand” is totally badass. It relentlessly chugs forward like a freight train and stays interesting through its 10+ minutes. “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” has such a cool, unusual, off-time thing going on that jerks your head around as Plant’s vocals go from aggressive to sensual to sad. Innovative stuff.

The rest includes some of the more forgettable songs in Zeppelin’s library, even as they dip their toes into funk and samba (strange but true!) and finish with the long-as-hell, blue-as-hell “Tea for One” that sounds too much like “Since I’ve Been Loving You” but not as good.

The Song Remains the Same

1976
9 winds of Thor out of 10

Recorded over three nights in Madison Square Garden in 1973, this is technically a soundtrack to the concert film, but the song selection is a bit different. A 2007 re-release added more songs, so I’m a bit confused as to what I’m actually supposed to be reviewing here.

There’s a handful of songs that generally match their studio counterparts, but sounding louder, fuller, looser, and brimming with youthful energy, and they’re awesome.

Then there’s three songs stretched out to tortuous lengths with jamming and soloing, and even when I was a kid under the impression I was really supposed to appreciate them, I didn’t. I mean, a 26-minute version of “Dazed and Confused”? A longer-than-the-original drum solo on “Moby Dick”? Get the fuck outta here.

And then there are, thankfully, “The Rain Song” and “No Quarter,” both a little bit longer and better-sounding than the original versions on Houses of the Holy.

You also get live versions of “Over the Hills and Far Away,” “The Song Remains the Same,” and “The Ocean,” so if nothing else, the live album gives you better-sounding versions of all the best songs from Houses.

I don’t think it works well as a front-to-back experience, but damn, the parts of the whole are great.

In Through the Out Door

1979
6 threads that have no end out of 10

What the fuck happened here? If the band was dipping its toes into new genres on the last few albums, they’ve jumped off the high dive with this one. There’s whimsical honky tonk country, bopping samba beats, more doo-op, and other keyboard-driven cheesy stuff that’s not Zeppeliny at all! The hard rocking moments are few and far between.

My favorite song on here is “Carouselambra,” opening with a blaring keyboard that seems to imitate a horn section ushering in the royal prince or something, but the rest of its 10+ minutes doesn’t fulfill the promise of its opening. It sounds like a medley featuring the least memorable parts of three other disparate songs, and the end is … disco? Maybe?

Coda

1980
6 funny fools out of 10

Sadly, John Bonham died, and Zeppelin released this final album as something of a tribute, just 33 minutes of leftover stuff, with the drums higher in the mix than usual.

Some of it definitely rocks, but it’s pretty unmemorable rocking. There’s a version of “I Can’t Quit You Baby” that’s so echoey it sounds like it was recorded in an empty gymnasium, but I sort of like it, with Bonham getting extra fancy with his trademark shuffling bass drum. “Bonzo’s Montreax” is a drums-only thingy with steel drums adding some very Jamaican flavor. And the closer, “Wearing and Tearing” sounds like it was written in an hour and it’s more punk rock than half of actual punk rock.

This one’s not terribly offensive or anything, but it’s certainly for Zeppelin completists only.

BBC Sessions

1997
8 sweet little darlings out of 10

Before BBC stood for big black cock, it stood for British Broadcasting Corporation. Part of this compilation captures Led Zeppelin playing at the BBC radio station in 1969, and the rest has them playing in a small theater in 1971. The original release was about 2 hours 20 minutes, and in 2016, another hour was tacked on for streaming services. At that length, and with an awful lot of songs being repeated (including FIVE renditions of “Communication Breakdown”), this is a prime candidate for choosing the tracks you like best and assembling them into a shorter, custom playlist.

Most of it sounds pretty damn wonderful — a testament to the band’s naturally cohesive sound and ability to perform on the spot — but the best stuff sounds an awful lot like it does on the original albums, especially songs from I and III. “You Shook Me” is just as wailing and vibrant as it ever was. The acoustic-driven “That’s the Way” and “Going to California” sound clean and bright. Some of the other classics are fine but not as pitch-perfect as their originals, like “Stairway to Heaven,” “I Can’t Quit You Baby,” and “What Is and What Should Never Be.” Some songs get stretched out by uninteresting jamming sections, which feel to me more like interruptions.

Let’s do some quick statistics. Of the 35 songs on Led Zep’s first four albums, only 13 are represented here. There are five unreleased songs, the highlight of which is the bluesy “The Girl I Love She Got Long Black Wavy Hair,” and a couple of them sound like alternate versions of other songs. In this collection, there are 35 tracks, so let’s see, 35 minus 13 minus 5 equals 17 repeats!

For the most dedicated Zeppelin fans, this release was a gold mine. You may as well give the fans all the material you can. The original broadcasts had been passed around on bootlegs for years, so it’s great to have it all polished up. That said, I certainly don’t recommend it as a front-to-back experience (having listened to it over the last four days, I wonder if I’ll ever want to hear it again), but more is more and Zeppelin is Zeppelin so there you go.

Published October 2021